It seems easy to define flirting as a way for two people to closely interact and express interest with each other. It’s not that simple though, as it may not be easy to realize that one is indeed flirting with the other.
Having wrong interpretations of the signals can take you to embarrassing and uncomfortable situations, that’s why it’s important to know if a person is indeed flirting with you or not, or if he will be receptive to your flirting actions.
The Science of Flirting
According to the Social Issues Research Centre (SIRC) it’s all about the need of human beings to reproduce – you flirt because you wish to let the other person know that you are healthy enough and fit to procreate. Flirting, however, is not just about what you show outside, but what actually goes on inside your minds as you flirt with another.
Understanding the actual flirting scenario can sometimes be confusing because it’s your limbic system that takes over, hence you’re relying more on your emotions and instincts – you leave behind the parts of your brain that make you rational – making you more vulnerable.
Decoding the Signs
Truth be told, ladies: it’s sometimes difficult to determine if a guy is simply friendly or he’s already trying to cross the “friend zone”. Any attempt of these kinds of actions make you grab your phone and text your best girlfriends trying to figure out what he really meant when he told you that he’d like to hang out again soon.
Women flirt differently from men, and this makes life even harder for females to decode this particular area of men’s behavior. But fear no more; we’ll try to make this as painless as possible and enlighten you women on how to determine if a guy is indeed flirting with you.
First, check out all visible signs – his words, actions, even his body language.
A guy who flirts with you will use your name often in conversations. They’ll also try to give you nicknames to make the atmosphere light and make things feel more personal to make you comfortable with him.
He’ll also shower you with compliments and ask you what your interests are. He’ll always try to make conversation regardless of how simple the topic can be.
Statements you’ll often hear guys say include:
“Do you come here often?”
This is something that men say when they’ve never spoken to a woman, and is usually grasping for a topic to talk about.
“What movies/music/books do you like?” or “What activities are you into?”
The guy is trying to see if you’ve got anything in common, or wanting to find out which among those you are interested in. Again, anything to start a conversation.
Guys will also find ways to determine what you two have in common, and once he does, he’ll make it sound such a big deal. He’ll dwell on this common denominator so much and use it to grab your attention.
“You have nice eyes.”
A guy will always find a way to compliment the woman he’s flirting with, and he could start by complimenting your face and how you look.
There is a variety of actions that come with flirting.
There’ll be a lot of touching (not all touches are flirtatious, though, and that’s what you have to be wary about). A man believes he should just look and not touch, so when he’s interested in someone, he won’t be able to resist the opportunity even for a quick touch.
He often laughs when he talks to you and will share his precious smiles. Usually, guys just smirk and chuckle, but when they’re flirting, they’re letting it all out. You’ll also know it’s genuine through the gleam in his eyes.
You’ll also see him staring at you. He may be able to control his hands, but not his eyes. If you see him looking at you – whether you’re across the room or sitting beside him – then he’s into you.
He’ll also lower his voice when he talks to you. This is to build intimacy between you two – as if you’re sharing a precious secret that nobody else has to know. He could also speak softly so that you – or he – will have to lean and be closer.
He also openly tells you he’d like to get your number. He’s not too shy about it, but may not ask you directly. He’d end up telling you about a photo he would like to send, or that he’ll be calling you to tell you something. Regardless of his excuse, this just means he’d like to call you and keep in touch with you again.
3. Body Language
He may not say or do a lot, but his body language can also speak volumes.
You can first check out his face. Do you see him licking his lips? It’s not just because he thinks you’ll be attracted, but it’s because men’s lips dry out when they’re interested in something (or in this case, someone,) hence the need to keep them moist every now and then.
You can also check his eyes – he’ll often have eye contact, and his pupils will dilate each time he talks to you. Eye contact means the guy is not only virile but also dependable.
He may also stand close to you to create a more powerful and intimate connection. When he reaches out, he does so with an open palm – this indicates openness, whereas a closed palm will mean wanting to take control.
“But isn’t he just being nice?”
Well, yes, it can be pretty hard to decode if the guy is indeed flirting or if he’s just being nice. So how would you know?
If you already know the guy personally, then you can check if the behavior he shows you is something that he does to everybody else. He carries your things? Nah, he also does that to the girl next door. He texts you goodnight? Nope, he sends that to everyone in your group.
What if he’s always smiling? That doesn’t mean anything, right? Well, wrong. If he smiles without the eyes, then yes, that can be interpreted as something he’d do just to be nice. If he smiles from ear to ear, however, then that means he’s genuinely happy with your presence.
In a nutshell, just pay attention. If he does the same to other women, then he’s just being nice. If the treatment is given to you alone, or if you’re receiving extra attention, then he’s most likely flirting with you.
There you go – ways to find out if a guy is flirting with you through words, actions and his body language. Admittedly, it will never be easy to decode, but hopefully through this guide, flirting men won’t be as puzzling as it used to be.